24 Hours Of LeMons: Preparing For Another Season Of Crushing Defeat

"puppyknuckles" (puppyknuckles) 04/22/2015 at 17:14 • Filed to: lemons 24, 24 hours of lemons, dumbfuckery, brooklyn, brooklyn bomb squad

21

57

As if we hadn’t learned our lesson last year. For the members of the Brooklyn Bomb Squad, 2014 was, shall we say, character building . We !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , we !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , and generally spent most of our time towing the ’89 Audi 100 with the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! all over the East Coast and almost no time actually racing it.

But because we are special – meaning measurably, demonstrably stupid – we are preparing our comeback to the 24 Hours Of LeMons for 2015. And this time, instead of the Audi, which has proven itself to have the usefulness of a warm fart on a first date, we’re bringing… oh, who am I kidding. We’re bringing the Audi.

This is where the car lives. Downtown Brooklyn. Nice, eh? By the final LeMons race last October, we’d had the Audi’s five cylinder head rebuilt, and the car was actually showing a bit of speed. But it kept falling on its face. We only ran for 20 minutes at a time before some ignition issue would force the car back into the pits. So we are determined to get to the bottom of the ignition issue before we go anywhere near a racetrack. So team captain Jay and I hooked up the trailer to bring the car up to Connecticut, where teammate Ethan can help take a look at it and hopefully figure out for once and for all why the motor has such an attitude problem.

Jay welded together some new ramps in his basement for the trailer. They weigh 750 lbs each. At least we know the car will go up and down off the trailer without something breaking. Maybe.

OK. We have a rickety trailer with questionable axles, and the lights are “supposed to be working”. Storm clouds are gathering. We’re in downtown Brooklyn. What could go wrong?

The weather went wrong, for most of the 90 minute drive up to Ethan’s place near New Haven. Luckily the trailer stayed attached to the van. Although I would have had somewhat mixed feelings had I seen it in the mirror careening away and over the side of the Whitestone bridge.

Jay pulled off a truly epic feat of trailer reversing across a county highway to get the Bomb Squad Audi into Ethan’s driveway. Already, this looks like some kind of freaking automotive heaven compared to the rat infested alley the car slept in all winter. Spirits are high.

After getting the Audi off the trailer it was determined that a couple of the injectors are shot. So we are on the hook for 5 new Bosch injectors, which works out well since there are 5 of us on the team. Joy. We hope that will solve our problems, or at least give us a cleaner slate to diagnose things.

Ethan’s place is a virtual warehouse of old projects and car parts. This old Triumph TR-6 needs a new home. It would make a smoking LeMons car. Don’t think we didn’t talk about it.

So I promised Jay I would try to not take any pictures of him wearing his Bluetooth ear thing that he only wears inside the van but that was before we were creeping along in traffic on our way home, about to cross the Whitestone again. Jay was late for getting back to his kids and I had to take an epic leak, when we heard a thud. Did someone just hit the trailer? Yes, someone just hit the trailer.

These guys. They swiped our trailer because they couldn’t “see it”, which caused no damage to our trailer, but knocked a single piece of $50 plastic off the bumper of their gigantic Ford F450 work truck. The dude absolutely insisted we wait for the cops, even though it was his fault. Problem was, on the other side of the Whitestone bridge there was an actually serious accident. Like where people got hurt and everything, so the MTA cops were a little busy. An hour later, my bladder forced me to walk down the bridge and find a toilet inside the big Whitestone bridge building. I then returned with two cop cars, lights on, who promptly told these guys they were jackasses for wasting everyone’s time, and we got to go home.

It just wouldn’t be a Brooklyn Bomb Squad story without something stupid happening, would it? It’s official. A new season of dumbfuckery is underway.

Originally published on:

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

And if you like this dumb stuff, then you’ll like following this dumb stuff:

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

NETFLIX ME: !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

Sweet Trav > puppyknuckles 04/22/2015 at 18:31

0

Are you going to make it out to any michigan races?

puppyknuckles > Sweet Trav 04/22/2015 at 18:46

0

Probably not. That's a little far for our lazy asses.

Sweet Trav > puppyknuckles 04/22/2015 at 18:48

1

We’re trying to put together a 62 fury for this season... its a work in progress

puppyknuckles > Sweet Trav 04/22/2015 at 20:12

0

Nice!!

Sweet Trav > puppyknuckles 04/22/2015 at 22:46

1

It’s a bit of sacrilege, but we’re putting a TBI 350 and a 4l60E in it. My dad gave me his old pick up, we’re putting it to good use.

Anthony Miller > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 13:52

6

Sooooo uhhhhh how much for the triumph and how far is it from running?

Iridium > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 13:56

10

ALWAYS WAIT FOR THE COPS. Story time.

About a decade ago a friend was commuting home, rear ended a guy. It wasn’t bad. The guy that got hit was in a hurry, tho, so they just swapped insurance info and drove off.

Couple months later my friend is pulled over by a cop, who arrests him for driving on a suspended license for driving an uninsured vehicle (even though he was able to show valid cards at the time). This was news to my friend, who started digging in to it.

Turns out the guy who got hit tried to call his insurance, but they said he couldn’t file a claim without a police report unless the other driver was uninsured. Dude says ok, hangs up, calls in again, and reports he got hit by an uninsured driver but gave them my friends info. Insurance then reports this to the police, license is suspended, friend’s license plate gets into some database for going around uninsured, and so on. Took my friend a couple of months to get it sorted, get his car out of impound, and so on. He came out of it ok, fortunately, but massive pain in the ass.

But a bit of insurance shadiness/assholishness can cause you a lot of fucking trouble. So even if you’re at fault, wait for the fucking cops.

MK19 > Anthony Miller 04/23/2015 at 13:56

1

Yes, more info on the TR6 please.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 13:57

1

Interesting story, I'll be sure to keep up with it.

I have a question regarding LeMons cars. How exactly does it work? I know the cap is supposedly $500 (yeah right), but if you already raced the vehicle in a previous year, how do they factor in what the vehicle costs? Or do you start with zero and just add up any parts?

I always wanted to get into LeMons, but I don't have the funds, or the crew to do it with.

Tommy861 > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 13:58

2

See you guys at Jersey, the Farfrumwinnin Fox won’t make it (needs too much work and we are all too broke and out of time), but I will be there with the #505 mustang team.

MC20 > Sweet Trav 04/23/2015 at 14:08

0

Im trying to get to Gingerman on saturday or sunday, Im a circle track guy so this is all new to me, but I work at Lane about 20 mins south of there and we are thinking about putting a car together to use as advertising.

MonkeePuzzle > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 14:09

27

this neighbourhood feels like such an eyesore I can’t believe there isn’t a giant yellow hummer parked here

puppyknuckles > Tommy861 04/23/2015 at 14:11

1

Cool beans. Let’s have a beer

Clay_T > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 04/23/2015 at 14:11

0

Lemons cars depreciate as they race. The Lemons Supreme Court can assign a residual value of the car after the race. Your $500.00 POS at the beginning of the race is worth $200.00 after it done blowed up. That frees up $300.00 to spend on “enhancements”.

The ‘rules’ are priceless!

http://www.24hoursoflemons.com/prices-rules#

puppyknuckles > Anthony Miller 04/23/2015 at 14:12

0

Very far from running, I think. I’ll ask though!

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > Clay_T 04/23/2015 at 14:16

0

I'm at work and can't read the link right now, but safety equipment is not included in the $300, correct? If I wanted to put a $2000 set of racing seats in my $500 car that's perfectly acceptable?

505Turbeaux > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 14:17

1

what are you running in it for a 5? NG or NF? Those injectors can be simply cleaned. And did you check the connector for the hall unit in the distributor? that thing always freaks out and shorts. Sounds like it could be the issue.

golfball > Iridium 04/23/2015 at 14:23

0

Counter example: My one and only at-fault accident happened when I was a brand-new driver. I was super sleep deprived and pulled out from a parking lot into a car driven by my friend’s dad. He was pretty chill about it and said there was no need for the cops. Called insurance, and that was that. 100% certain I would have gotten a ticket if I had waited- cops around here always issue one to the at-fault party. Plus, we both got to go on with our days as both cars were driveable if a bit banged up. Also, you can prevent the situation described by simply calling in the report later and reporting your insurance information.

Clay_T > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 04/23/2015 at 14:31

1

Correct. But you don’t need a set since passengers aren’t allowed when racing.

(ed: The residual value is not a fixed number as I posted before. It could be anything the Judges decide. If your crapcan is truly pathetic, you may be given a lot more. If it’s particularly racy, you might get penalty laps or bumped up in class)

3.F.1 Driver’s Seat

3.F.1.a General Driver’s Seat Regs. Driver’s seatback must reach above middle of helmet or higher. One-piece, purpose-built racing seats with properly located, factory-provided shoulder-harness holes are mandatory. Molded plastic seats of ABS or similar material are not allowed. All seats must be very securely mounted to the floor or cage to avoid separation during a crash. All seatbacks must be restrained against rearward failure.... bla bla bla.

4: VEHICLE PRICE

4.1: Total Investment in Vehicle Can Not Exceed $500 : Except for items described in Rules 4.2 and 4.3, the total spent to purchase and prepare any car may not exceed $500.

4.1.1: Lame-Ass Rationalizations: Cars that “should be” worth $500 don’t count; cars that “were worth $500” before you spent another $2000 to fix them don’t count; cars you’ve owned for 20 years and spent more than $500 on during that time don’t count; “it would have been worth $500 if it didn’t already have a cage” doesn’t count. Five hundred dollars means five hundred frickin’ dollars.

4.1.2: Lame-Ass Rationalizations About Parts: Same deal. “Free” parts, parts given to you by your buddies, parts left lying around the shop...that crap doesn’t impress us. It’s worth whatever the last real guy paid in the last real purchase. Don’t think you’re clever.

4.2: Safety Equipment DOES NOT Count Toward $500 Total: Safety equipment described in Section 3 DOES NOT count toward the $500 total.
"Safety" refers to things that can save the driver—not things that can save the car.

4.2.1: Beside the items and processes listed in Section 3, the following are considered safety-related and therefore exempt:

Wheels, tires, wheel bearings, balljoints, and brake components

Exhaust systems downstream of the header/exhaust manifold (NOTE: Turbos and related components are NOT exempt from the $500 limit. Nice try.)

Windshields and wipers.

Driver comfort & information (steering wheel, shifter, gauges, pedals, cool suits, vents, heaters, radio)

All fuel hoses, fuel fittings, fuel filters, and related mounts

All fuel-system components upstream of the fuel pump, including tanks/cells, mounts, fillers, vents, etc. (NOTE: Fuel pumps, carburetors, injection pumps, computers, and individual injectors are NOT exempt from the $500 limit.)

puppyknuckles > 505Turbeaux 04/23/2015 at 14:32

1

Ours is an MC. I may have forgotten to mention that we have the turbo motor from a 200 in there.

505Turbeaux > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 14:36

0

ah yeah MC I would still check that hall plug in there. do you have it set up where you can still pull blink codes from the ECU? And this should go without saying, but you do have the MC computer installed in there as well? I used to have a few spares I could have donated to the cause, but those are long gone. Is it running quattro or is it a FWD setup? Should be pretty quick with either. Clean out your air injection system and the PCV routing as well. Don’t know how much experience you have with these, just throwing some random stuff into the mix. If you ever need some pointers on those things I am in New Haven often enough (for the pizza, and I grew up down there) or I can give you my contact

DoglegFirst > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 14:41

1

Those ramps are 75 pounds right?

Anthony Miller > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 14:42

1

Why thank you! It looks a little sad but these guys are awesome when restored!

MonkeePuzzle > MonkeePuzzle 04/23/2015 at 15:08

17

much better

Stef Schrader > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 15:16

1

You doing NJMP? I’ll be driving 3 Pedal Mafia’s menagerie of whatever they’re bringing (Civic and a boat, IIRC), so IT’S ON. Race to the bottom!

Pibbs says once you go Swede > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 15:21

1

Hopefully I’ll see ya out at Thompson. Been meaning to catch one of these races for a long while, and now that I live about 15 minutes from the track, I’ve got no reason not to.

texas-geek > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 15:37

1

Thank you SOOOO much for writing this article. Every time I *THINK* I’m going to do LeMons I read something like this that makes me realize the reality of being someone who doesn’t have an empty lot, deep mechanical expertise, or huge amounts of time to spend under cars should not be the principle in a LeMons team. I somehow forget this on a regular basis.

burninaballoffire > Iridium 04/23/2015 at 15:45

1

you had me stopping at “a decade ago”. shits changed since then.

Sweet Trav > MC20 04/23/2015 at 15:46

0

Too bad you’re on the wrong side of the state, we’d love to have a corporate sponsor lol

drdanteiii > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 16:14

1

You guys planning on making the Thompson CT race? Our merkur (Roto-racer with the pipes on the roof) is upgraded, and I’d love to rehash the battles we had at Monticello Motor club.

puppyknuckles > 505Turbeaux 04/23/2015 at 16:22

1

Man thanks so much, I'm sending these messages straight up to Ethan, who has the car, and who also knows way more than me about the motor. I'll post back here what comes up. Shoot me an email at dave@puppyknuckles.com and we can exchange some info

puppyknuckles > DoglegFirst 04/23/2015 at 16:26

1

Probably. Feel like 750

puppyknuckles > drdanteiii 04/23/2015 at 16:28

0

I really hope so. That Monticello race was where I met the Bomb Squad, I was just photographing. Thompson is up for discussion right now

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 16:43

0

Series III, I think. Hard to make out the windshield hinge, which is the easy tell with only this much visible.

puppyknuckles > texas-geek 04/23/2015 at 19:17

1

Totally. I admire (team captain) Jay’s determination; it’s not easy to have any car in Brooklyn, much less a race car. Not having space to work or a place to shake down probably has a lot to do with why we suck so much, but, hey, at least we are showing up.

puppyknuckles > Stef Schrader 04/23/2015 at 19:17

0

Hell yes we are. It’ll be nice to meet you, Stef!

El Darto > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 20:00

0

How much does everything cost, starting from nothing, to go to LeMons

Roadster Man > Iridium 04/23/2015 at 20:57

3

I’d like to add: especially if you’re at fault, wait for the cops. Take some responsibility. And the “jackasses” are doing the right thing in this situation. Looks like they were driving a work truck, and they probably need a police report to keep their employer insured AND to keep themselves from getting fired. Think about it for a second.

iSureWilll > MonkeePuzzle 04/23/2015 at 22:05

1

That would be better. If it was an H1 instead of a lifted Tahoe.

http://dougdemuro.kinja.com/do-hummer-h2-d…

MonkeePuzzle > iSureWilll 04/23/2015 at 22:07

0

tell Doug, I'm not the one who bought the eyesore

iSureWilll > MonkeePuzzle 04/23/2015 at 22:13

1

I will tell him as soon as I park my Mazda 3!

Mathias Rios > puppyknuckles 04/23/2015 at 22:36

0

Cool to see there’s another jalop in Brookyln! Cheers from dumbo!

Stef Schrader > texas-geek 04/24/2015 at 02:01

1

Soooooo... arrive and drive!

All the fun, none of the pain in the bollocks.

(That’s how I got started. Someone always needs an extra paying butt in a seat, and honestly, that’s way more fun than building a car yourself in many, many way$$$$.)

Stef Schrader > puppyknuckles 04/24/2015 at 02:01

1

PUFFALUMPS ON THE PUPPYKNUCKLES

AWWWWW YES

puppyknuckles > Stef Schrader 04/24/2015 at 04:07

0

GENIUS

Tommy861 > puppyknuckles 04/24/2015 at 07:25

0

Sounds good!

Sterling89 > puppyknuckles 04/24/2015 at 09:11

0

Now this looks like a nice area. No yellow Hummers anywhere I bet.

drdanteiii > puppyknuckles 04/24/2015 at 10:35

1

The paddock at MMC was a hot mess, actually, a freezing f’in cold mess, but I liked the track. Too bad we’ll never get to race there again.

I will be running with another team in the Parnelli Jones galaxie at NJMP, so I’ll see you guys there.

texas-geek > Stef Schrader 04/24/2015 at 11:12

0

Definitely Stef, that’s my next step after a bit more track time. I would try to throw $ at you for a ride, but I’m afraid my mechanical sympathy for the 944 in a race would last until around lap 3. Something along the lines of “be smooth...watch the revs...preserve tires...apex...OMGTHATGUYPASSEDMEINAPINTO!!! AHHHH!!!! .” :)

puppyknuckles > drdanteiii 04/24/2015 at 16:20

1

Parnelli Jones Galaxie? That sounds amazing

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > puppyknuckles 04/24/2015 at 18:45

0

Your parking spot for the Audi makes me jealous. Planning on moving to Brooklyn in June or so with my racecar, and umm, you wouldn’t be willing to share a space with an old AW11 so I don’t have to do all of my work on a Bushwick street and move it five billion times per week, would you? While far more useless under the hood than I’d like to be, I’m an excellent troubleshooter and put more effort than sense into things and would love to help keep your LeMons racer up to snuff.

puppyknuckles > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 04/24/2015 at 19:06

1

We have been talking about getting rid of the lot because the owner wants more money... Lemme talk to Jay and see what the plan is. Sharing could be the answer!

puppyknuckles > 505Turbeaux 04/24/2015 at 19:13

1

Well, Ethan changed the injectors and the distributor... And viola!

Let's hope it holds together!!

505Turbeaux > puppyknuckles 04/24/2015 at 19:51

0

Excellent!!!

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > puppyknuckles 04/24/2015 at 20:39

0

Cool, cool. Let me know what you’re looking at. My email is petesracecar@gmail.com

MC20 > Sweet Trav 04/27/2015 at 09:23

0

Ha I dont think a sponsorship is out of the question BUT us guys here would rather have one to race before giving money to someone else to race HAHA.

Im almost convinced an S10 with a good running 4.3 would be perfect. There was one there Sunday that ran OK. Like I said Im a roundy round guy, and anything front end wise from a gbody aka Metric car, will fit the front end of an S10, Ive got a barn full of spares...

Sweet Trav > MC20 04/27/2015 at 11:24

0

I had a 2.8 5 speed S10 for a while that I wanted to run, but it puked a rod before I could